Believe, fear and judgments…
Some of us are heavily influenced by statements and judgements others make. These
statements may either be directed to us or said about us. What contributes heavily to our
insecurities is an underlying fear that what is being said could possibly be true: that others may
know us better than we know ourselves. This fear can be so intrusive that we trip over
ourselves in our efforts to live up to everyone else’s expectations.
We slowly cease to exist in our vain attempts to morph into a figurative people-pleasing
vending machine. Measuring every word out of someone’s mouth against an applause meter of
acceptance. You were created to be who you were created to be. If you lack the confidence to
be you, you will suffer through a life of failed attempts to acquiesce to the whims of others.
You do not have to take every single thing that someone says to you as fact. No one except you
is an authority on you. Pretty much everything that someone says to you (and you back to
them) is filtered through that individual’s perspective. Oftentimes, there may even be an
underlying motivation behind certain criticisms.
What prompts us to become victims of such vulnerability? A weak belief system and a
propensity for looking outside of ourselves for validation and acceptance. Let’s say that you
happen to be wearing a beautiful royal blue shirt today. You are minding your own business and
someone comes up to you and says, “Listen, I have to tell you that I really hate that green shirt
you are wearing. I think green is the ugliest color!” What would your emotional response be to
that? Would you be horrified, embarrassed and rush home to your closet to change your
clothes? More than likely your first thought would be, “Wow, somebody is obviously color blind
to think my blue shirt is actually green.” But I doubt your feelings would be hurt or that you
would ruminate over it for the next three days.
Here’s why…Your shirt’s not green. You know your shirt’s not green and you don’t believe your
shirt is green. You know and believe that your shirt is blue. You know it’s blue, you believe it’s
blue. You are completely secure in your belief.
We aren’t rattled, bothered, or shaken by statements we do not believe are true. However,
when we place the value of another’s opinion over our truth, leading us to question our truth,
that is when we become vulnerable and drown under the tsunami of self-ridicule and doubt.
Believing and feeling secure in your own value and worth prevents you from compulsively
striving to earn acceptance.
You are YOU-nique, one of a kind, a masterpiece. Celebrate your originality. Know and believe
you are indeed sui generis!
Just adding to this – my own thought on this article that Randi wrote – it very much reminds me of the Blue/Gold dress.
If you don’t know the story – you can read about it HERE.
Women and older people disproportionately saw the dress as white and gold. The researchers further found that if the dress was shown in artificial yellow-coloured lighting almost all respondents saw the dress as black and blue, while they saw it as white and gold if the simulated lighting had a blue bias.
Thank you for your insight and great metaphor Randi!
This post is a guest post written by Dr. Randi Konikoff